Trying to Understand America

Caique Agra Dias

Moving to the U.S. is definitely the most difficult thing that I’ve done all my life. “That is obvious” you are probably thinking. No, it is not. After seven months, I’m just starting to realize how much my life has been turned upside down. 

My parents had a serious conversation with me and my siblings about the change in March of 2023. We had three months to say goodbye to our family and friends. To summarize, during this time we had 100 Brazilian parties. It was the best semester of my whole life. I had special moments with every single person that I loved, still love, and will love forever. When the time to give the last hug to my grandparents, uncles and childhood friends came, I didn’t believe it. It wasn’t denial, it was just innocence.

I think that one of the most difficult parts was to leave my dogs. Every single day for the last eight years I have been waking up and playing with them. I just want to hug Saara, Sky, and Teka (my three dogs) and run in my old garden with their toys. Only those who have pets know that it’s unconditional love between the person and your pet. The day that I said goodbye for the last time was ruthless.

My family arrived here in the beginning of July, but we didn’t know anyone. We didn’t have school or any place for me and my siblings to make friends. It was really hard for us to be at home all summer playing video games and sometimes riding a bike. It was really boring. However, me and my family did get closer with each other in this situation.

In my mind, I was nervous about the new school in the U.S. I thought people would not talk with me, that I couldn’t ask for information, and I wouldn’t make friends- all because I don’t know English.

This was my “Inside Out” for a long time before my first day at school. I was definitely wrong! People here in Michigan are really respectful about this topic. I have fixed all these “problems” that I created in my mind. English, Portuguese, German, Spanish, French… Any language that you don’t know, you can communicate in the actual days because of technology. It’s really easy I guess, I don’t know how people did it in the past, how they learned something? Just using dictionaries?

I almost live in Brazil behind my phone, I’m always on FaceTime and texting my old friends. During the holidays, I participated in a Secret Santa in Brazil. I gave money to my friend and she bought a present for the person who I took the name from, and they sent me an Amazon gift card via email. Every single night I dream of visiting Brazil. I don’t think that this is healthy for me, because I need to learn how to enjoy my time with my family and friends who are here in the U.S.

Living here has pros. People here care about having every voice heard. From my perspective it’s crazy that the school has clubs on a bunch of topics that students create and manage. For me, it’s wonderful that students have a lot of options of classes and you are seen as a complete person, while in Brazil we are just grades and don’t have the option to choose which class we want to take. And I’m learning English, something crucial for any job in any country.

If today I needed to choose to return to my old life or stay in the new one, I would choose to stay. Probably tomorrow would be another choice, and definitely in one month the answer would be different. Even if I can’t return to my country right now, it’s good just to think that I can go back and feel comfortable. Maybe one day, I will go to bed and not dream of this possibility, with me hugging my friends and hanging out with them, but that day is really far from today.

I always compare Brazil and the United States, but I should stop. I should be in my reality, in the present, living in the U.S.A. But I also don’t want to forget my culture. I need to start getting used to my new life and enjoy it. If someday I will return? I don’t know. I need to have fun with my family and friends here.